this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
