just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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