Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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