I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
