coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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