I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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