what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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