dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
