he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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