Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
