1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
