you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
