I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dick very happy bro
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
