Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
