thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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