well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
