Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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