she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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