I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
