The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
