I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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