The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
