I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize