College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
