If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
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he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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