he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
