You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
