I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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