I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
