let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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