Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
