dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
