Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
