every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
