absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
