I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
