Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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