Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize