u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
