Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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