I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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