Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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