I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
