Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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