I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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