My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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