I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
