if you like me you must not know who I am
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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