WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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