This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
