For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Send help, water and tortillas.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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