oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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