i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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