so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can I color on your dick again?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
