last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
