WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
