i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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