I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
