Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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