and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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