she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i out mim tonsoeep
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
