Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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