When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize