He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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