i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
