They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
