hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
did i just pee glitter
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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