At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
