I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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