Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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