My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
