You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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