I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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