i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
