imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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