Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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