You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
