How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
