I heard we made out
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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