I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
