I hope mine doesn't look like that
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
