don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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