I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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